he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
