Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
