i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
