You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dick very happy bro
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
