I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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