I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
