I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
