I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
