Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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