pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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