A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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