it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
