Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
