He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
PANTIES FOUND
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
