Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
