I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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