he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
