That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
