Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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