at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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