i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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