I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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