Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize