my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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