omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
