Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
