Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
