You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
