Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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