Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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