You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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