I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
