If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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