I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
