if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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