ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
