Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
