Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
