And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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