I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
