He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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