my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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