Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
