All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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