I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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