My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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