i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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