I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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