When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
