Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
