Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
