i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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