meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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