I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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