I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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