the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
