On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
