At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
