During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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