Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
