He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
