I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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